Scary Moments Tender Moments
by elsiecarson
Summary: MRS BROWN FIC. What if Queen Victoria and John Brown were involved? This is how she copes when John takes a bullet that was meant for her. Shows the closeness of relationship and the emotions that the Queen tried not to show. emotional fluff!


I sit down on the edge of the bed when I walk into the room after having talked to the doctor. John, the second love of my life, took a bullet in his left shoulder trying to protect me from being assassinated. I touch the sleeve of John's nightshirt as I lower myself onto the edge of the bed. He stirs in his sleep and turns carefully towards me. I turn towards my ladies' maids, "Go get me a bowl of warm water, a very soft cloth, and a very soft towel. John?"

John moans as his eyes flutter open. This is the first time I've seen him since the incident nearly six hours ago and his appearance makes me want to cry. I reach for his hand and stroke it gently. "Ma'am?" he says sleepily. I can tell he's confused, or dazed, or sleepy or all of the above. I know he's on pain medication.

"I'm here John. It's all right now." I say as I reach out to stroke John's cheek, but quickly pull my hand back when I realize my ladies' maids have re-entered the room. John is, after all, just a servant, at least to others. "Thank you. You're dismissed. You're not to come back into the room unless you're called for."

As my ladies' maids leave John smiles up at me, "Being queen does have some advantages, doesn't it? Where am I?"

"It only has a few advantages. Meeting you was a major one. We're in my suite. I couldn't bear to think of you down in that dingy little room when you'd saved my life. I asked the boys who carried you back to bring you up here."

"We're in your suite! Are you sure that it's okay that I'm here in your suite?" John asks me drowsily. He doesn't even have the energy to look at the room he's longed to be in. I've never allowed him in here before now. He couldn't be caught in here by any of the other servants.

"It's okay by me that you're in my suite. After all, I allowed you to be put here, but you better hope that Benjamin Disraeli doesn't catch you in here. He'll never forgive you." I say as I smile gently at John and begin to wash his face which is covered in blood from me putting my hands on his face after I tried to stop the bleeding.

"Benjamin would be jealous if he saw us right now. He'd love to be in my position right now. He's had a crush on you forever." John says as he moves gingerly trying not to jar his arm.

"How did you know about that? I thought Benjamin only ever told me about that. He's married after all." I say as I rinse the facecloth, wring it out, and continue to wash John's face. I then pick up the soft hand towel and gently dry his face.

"He told me, after a meeting with you, about his feelings. He told you about his feelings! He does have gall! I can't believe he told you that." John says as he settles down into the pillows. He yawns as he finishes speaking.

"Go to sleep, darling. I'll be right here when you wake up." I say as I pull the covers up and tuck John in.

"Stay with me." John requests as he snuggles into the down duvet and squeezes his eyes shut. I hope it's a moment of contentment and not one of pain.

"I don't have a choice now do I? You're in my suite, in my bed. I'll come to bed soon." I say quietly as I lean forward and kiss John's cheek. I walk into my closet to collect my nightgown and all of a sudden the emotionality of the day overwhelms me all at once. I fall to my knees and burst into tears. I'm overwhelmed with the fact that I was nearly killed and that the man I love has been severely injured. I hear footsteps padding softly across the carpet behind me and I quickly try to cover my tears. I turn around and see John coming towards me with his arm in a sling.

"Victoria, darling are you alright? Why are you crying? It's alright. It's alright; I'm safe and you're safe. I'll be sore for a while, but there's no permanent damage. You needn't worry." John slips his one good arm around my shoulders.

"No, I'm not alright! I was so scared for you this afternoon. I went to you, but I couldn't show my emotions because no one can know about us. It drives me crazy that we can't go public with our relationship." I say as I clutch the front of John's nightshirt and continue to cry.

"C'mon now. You know that until society changes its rules we can never be publicly together, but it doesn't bother me. I love you and I love the fact that this relationship has some privacy to develop. Now let me help you change." John says as he wipes away my tears and then helps me up. He carefully unbuttons my dress and I'm surprised he can manage with only one hand.

"Thank you," I say as I slip my dress and slips and hoop skirt off and slip my nightgown over my head. The cotton is cool on my skin and I shiver slightly. "One day we'll be together in public I promise. I can't stand not being with you always."

"Come to bed. You must be emotionally exhausted. It's been a difficult day for both of us. Besides, you have to get back to work tomorrow." John says as he puts his arms around my shoulders and leads me towards the bed.

My apprehension mounts as I realize that this is the first time I'll actually sleep with John and the first time since Albert died that I will have slept in the same room let alone the same bed with anyone. John notices my trepidation quickly; I don't usually hide my emotions well, and he pats my shoulder gently trying to reassure me. I slowly climb into bed and then allow John to get into bed at his own pace. It can't be easy with only one arm. John finally gets into bed, but turns his back to my back. For a moment I'm confused until John speaks. "I'd sleep with my arm around your waist but I can't sleep on that side because that's the arm that I injured."

"I'll move then. Shift over to my side and I'll come over and get in the other side so you can at least try to hold me." I say as I climb out of bed and walk around to the other side of the bed.

"You don't have to. That's not why I said something. I just didn't want you to feel like I was ignoring you." John says as he slowly begins to shift over in the bed.

"I know, but I want to feel as close to you right now as is possible. Please let me do this." I say climbing back into bed.

"I would never deny you anything. I can't deny you anything." John says as he feels me snuggle against him. "Aren't you going to let your hair down?"

"Oh, I forgot. I'd better though or I'll end up with a headache in the morning." I say as I sit up and pull the pins out of my hair. I then quickly braid my hair and tie off the end.


End file.
